"I got into an Ivy League grad program and a mediocre man is making me feel worthless."

and other selected secrets/sparkles

Mar 16

Cross-post

remember, in this context:

secrets are the shadowy things that we want to share but might be tempted to hide because of shame/fear/social obligations.
sparkles are the things that make you feel most alive - little moments of joy/satisfaction/contentment that you wish you could bottle up.

click here to submit your own secrets/sparkles anonymously anytime.

loosely defined themes of the week: contradictions, sacrifice, picking up where you left off

secrets

play this while reading

short & sweet/salty:

I was unemployed for a while to focus on my mental health. I'm back to job-searching, and I've only gotten rejections which is destroying my mental health and self-confidence.
We have to move to a new city for my husbands new job and I’m so fucking pissed.
I’m in love with my best friend and at this point I don’t think I’ll ever tell him.
My husband has depression for the first time and it is so draining on me.
I’ve always resented my mom, she came to visit this weekend and it wasn’t bad. She was nice.
I bled all over my aunt’s brand new $150 white bed sheets and replaced them with $30 Walmart sheets.
I can’t stand most of the people in my Ph.D. program.
My grandpa’s about to die and I hope it is soon because he’s suffering.
I’m desperately infatuated with someone I can’t have and acting like a child.
My situationship ended things and it’s so much worse than any real breakup I’ve had.
I’m afraid I’ll never be able to love another dog like my old girl that I lost in January.
Can’t wait for my husband to leave the house tomorrow so I can masturbate for hours.
I spent €90 on a HS ticket but I’ll be going alone - a little stressed (I make min wage too).
I am excited to hang out w/ my best friends w/out their SOs as well. I hate being 5th wheel.
My ex texted me after five years to apologize for everything. I forgave it all.
I had a health scare last month (ongoing) and the bills are rolling in. Anxiety is sky high.
Got drunk and accidentally flashed my vajayjay at a brand new friend. I feel humiliated.
Worked with a guy who got a woman fired so he could have her spot.

Let me talk to him.

Past 4 months my parents have wanted to hook me up w/ their younger friend. We’re both in relationships and love with our SO but we kissed last night.
My husband wants a baby and I don’t. I don’t know how to tell him. We both said no kids at first.
I lie to everyone when I say I’m okay.
My bf keeps lighting candles by my side of the bed, I think I fart a lot in my sleep.
I don’t feel as comfy around some people as I used to now that I’m growing. It’s scary.

So proud of you!!

Just moved in with my boyfriend and I’m scared that I”m not as happy about it as I should be.
Went to the cinema 1st time in 8 years and the negative self talk was so strong. Why?!
Crushing on my biochem study partner.

I love this for you.

I feel unseen - not invisible. Those who love me project onto me to get their needs met.
Juggling so many ideas for my future that I end up overwhelmed and back at square one.

This happens to me too!!

Idk how to tell my bf our fave pizza place a recommendation from my ex.
I am afraid that I am agoraphobic.

I’m getting evaluated for adult ADD/ADHD soon, and having it or not both make me nervous.
I’m scared to try an SSRI. My therapist suggested I try one for anxiety.
I’m a therapist and I think my dad is a narcissist.
Had to watch a friend implode and be in denial that they’re unwell and hurting others.
I told my mum I’m being diagnosed with bipolar and she didn’t fully believe I could have.
Sometimes I feel like I’m settling for my fiance.
I start softball tomorrow but I’m slowly losing my passion for the sport due to coaching.
I’m dealing with a miscarriage right now and I feel so alone.

Sending you so much love <3

I’m scared I won’t get into college & spent years stressing over school to fail.
Been a year of being engaged, we get married next year - relieved I want to do it now and am sure.
I’m really nervous for my first potential date in my open relationship.
My parents-in-law are great but my sisters-in-law are nightmares and they think they’re amazing.
I’m willing to go deeper into credit card debt just to have a tubal ligation.
I’m moving out of my parents house and I’m scared to tell them.
I have the stomach bug and pooped my pants this weekend.
Broke up with a friend years ago and I still feel bad about it even though I know it was the right choice.
My binge eating disorder relapsed this week after 8 months of recovery.
My republican dad wants to go to therapy and I cannot process it.

long-form:

I purposely opened up my relationship because I have died on a hill of not believing monogamy is sustainable and I've been passionately pursuing the kind of intimacy that makes sense for me and it's been all fun and games until I started probably most likely most definitely without question OKAY falling in love with one of the two additional partners I'm seeing consistently and I don't know what to do because I've obviously never experienced this version of existence and relationships within existing relationships look different and my partner left for the first time ever so the "boy I love" got to spend the night twice in one week and stayed here for much of the next day and is making my brain break but that situation was only temporary and I don't know how to navigate how much I want him/want him to not be with other people but me/hate that i know he's still on the apps even though I'm on the apps/can't figure out how he could be interested in anyone but me when he's texting me telling me that people say I give him 'pregnant lady glow' aka help i'm in love in my first nonstandard form of relationship and there isn't a lot of resources out there to help me navigate this and also holy hell how come no one ever warns you how much love / situations you create yourself can force you to painfully grow and I don't wanna grow I just want my cake and to eat it too without them also getting to have their cake, unless I'm the cake and they only want slices from me!!!

sparkles

play this while reading

short & sweet:

It snowed tuesday + I sat in my room w/ windows on 3 sides + pretended to be in a snow globe.
I’ve been waiting 7 months to hear back but I finally got accepted for an electrician apprenticeship!
I’m traveling across the world to see my friend of 16 years for the first time in 4 years.
Just had a slice of really good red velvet cake from a new bakery.
One year since my top surgery.
After the last few years being hard due to lots of outside factors, my marriage is finally back on track.
I get to see an old friend on Friday.
My new(ish) husband and I are in Ireland on our honeymoon!
My new cat sat on me and purred this morning.
I put out a rug in my living room and it’s pure bliss.
Wrote a final paper on a topic near & dear to my heart. Prof said it was 1 of the best paper he’s read.
Last day at my toxic job.
Someone in my yoga class told the studio owner how great my class was.
I made it to the next round of the application process for my doctorate!
My best friend cried at the birthday gift I gav her last night.
Started a new job this week and think I could be here a really long time.
My niece giggling whenever someone puts clothes on her (5 months).
Just got back from a weekend with my long distance bf!
Cooking a new recipe tn!
I finally have a partner that gives me the love and attention I deserve.
I started therapy!
Trying to conceive, husband went for extra cuddles after making love.
I had my first positive experience at a salon over the weekend.
Later sunsets. Finishing evening yoga and still having light outside.
I teach writing, and I get so excited when I start to see my student's work improve based on my feedback :-)
My partner and I just started looking at apartments together after waiting so long for both of us to be out of school!
I just started the process of getting a therapist, long overdue!

baking by feel:

Made your salted peanut butter pie for Pi Day! Had SO much fun baking w friends <3
I picked up your book from my local public library today and am SO excited to dive in.

grab your copy here